SHATTERED Read online

  Stephanie Krolman

  SHATTERED

  Copyright © 2021 by Stephanie Krolman

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.

  First edition

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  For Dad. You taught me to see beauty in nature. To take pride in a job well done. And to not let the words of others bring you down. This book could not have happened without those lessons.

  I love you.

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Epilogue

  Chapter 1

  Month 1

  Week 1

  “Ana”

  Locked in the icy grip of fear caused by what was written on the paper, Ana never heard the soft voice calling her name. Her entire world had narrowed to those two words. Terrified over their possible meaning, Ana was no longer aware of the world around her.

  “Ana!

  She never heard the second, slightly louder call either. When a hand landed on her arm, she was immediately catapulted back to the ghosts in the forest. Opening her mouth to scream, fear locked her throat and no words emerged. Springing to her feet, Ana sent Jax tumbling, dropping the paper while trying to flee the nightmare visions only she could see.

  “Ana, stop!”

  The gentle touch turned to a firm grip, causing Ana to jerk her arm and try to escape. Terrified past the point of rational thought, her only aim was to run. The instinct for self-preservation combined with the panic of believing she was repeating the nightmare of the ghosts, the dog-bear, and the fire resulted in a complete break from reality. Ana was literally scared almost to death.

  “Please, Ana.” The voice changed from demanding to pleading, softening in tone as the owner realized Ana was terrified. Gently pulling her down, the hand loosened its grip and transferred its gentle touch to her back.

  “It’s okay,” the voice continued, softening even further. “No one is going to hurt you. You’re safe.”

  The soothing tone and gentle rubbing eventually broke through and Ana slowly returned from the edge of madness. The hand moved to the side of her head and a finger traced a gentle path down her cheek. She gazed around dazedly, still not quite sure where she was.

  “You better now?” the voice asked softly, barely more than a breath of wind.

  Ana turned, seeking the voice’s owner. In her terror, she hadn’t recognized it.

  “Jan?” Ana struggled to focus, unable to believe he had come. Happiness flooded through her, followed by a spurt of anger. Disappointment at his not coming until now as well as fear the government knew he was here caused her temper to flare.

  “You shouldn’t be here!” she spat, pulling her hand away.

  Caught off guard, Jan pulled his hand back, looking at Ana in surprise.

  “I told you I would come,” he said. “Aren’t you glad to see me?”

  “Of course I am. But nothing like waiting until the very last minute. And again, you shouldn’t be here.”

  Ana enunciated each word, annoyed he seemed to be taking this so lightly.

  “Ana,” Jan said, not at all put off by her anger. “I couldn’t come before. It wasn’t safe. But I promised I would see you and I don’t break my promises.”

  “It’s still not safe,” she replied. “What if the government finds out?”

  “Oh, I’m not too concerned about that.”

  “I’m glad you’re not. I am. I’ve seen their punishments firsthand and have no desire to experience it again.”

  “Nothing is going to happen,” Jan said, becoming serious. “Neither one of us will be punished. Please stop arguing with me. There are things I need to tell you, and I don’t want you angry when I do.”

  Jan was staring out to sea, a faraway look in his eyes. Ana couldn’t read his expression but thought he looked sad. Bringing her temper under control, she tentatively touched his arm.

  “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “You scared me. Hell, this place scares me. And the government, well, that scares me most of all. I’m sorry for flying off the handle.”

  Jan slowly turned and smiled, causing her rage to melt away like ice on hot pavement. Relaxing, she noticed Jax perched on Jan’s shoulder, watching intently.

  “Traitor,” she said, earning a laugh from Jan.

  Jax’s eyes danced merrily, and she extended one delicate claw and gently ran it down Jan’s face.

  “Fine, stay there. Just means you don’t come home with me.”

  Still laughing softly, Jan reached up and wound his fingers through Jax’s tail, then lifted the little animal and placed her in Ana’s lap.

  “You scared her,” he said, still smiling. “I guess she remembered who I was. But there’s no doubt she’s yours. Just the way she looks at you tells me she’s completely devoted. By the way, how did you decide on her name?”

  “One day, I found her playing jacks with my brother. The name kinda fit. She seems to like it.”

  “You asked her?” Jan exclaimed incredulously.

  “Well, if I was going to be calling her all the time, she had a right to decide on her name.”

  “You talk to her?” Jan was astounded. “Like a human? Does she understand?”

  “Mostly. She’s literal, so I have to be clear when I do. Her intelligence is remarkable.”

  Jan peered at Jax, who gazed back with a knowing look. Ana laughed, finding it funny that Jan had no idea the little animals were able to understand humans.

  “I’ve never seen one bond with a human like Jax has with you,” he said after a few moments.

  “Maybe nobody’s ever spoken to them like they were capable of understanding,” she shot back. “I never treat Jax like a child. While she can’t talk, she’s way smarter than she appears.”

  “Wow. Just wow. I wish I knew this sooner. Maybe then I could have bonded with one of these adorable things. I’ve never had a pet.”

  “Jax is not a pet!” Ana exclaimed. “She’s more like a sister or best friend. Don’t insult her by calling her a pet!”

  “Whoa,” Jan replied, putting his hands up in mock surrender “I apologize. Obviously, I have a lot to learn. But still, it would be nice. A friend. Someone you can talk to. One who can’t spill your secrets.”

  Ana gave Jan a hard look. The fact he had his own secrets wasn’t surprising. This place made keeping secrets almost mandatory. But the way Jan said it made Ana pause. She had plenty of her own secrets, but it never occurred to her Jan suffered as much as she did.

  Jan missed Ana’s look, having gazed out to sea again. Obviously not seeing whatever he was searching for, he looked back with a soft smile.

  Ana lowered her eyes, not wanting to get lost right now. She knew the yacht would arrive soon and didn’t want to waste any more time. Thinking furiously, she asked the easiest question she could.

  “How’s Snick?”

  “Oh, Ana!” he replied, laughing uproariously. “You made some impression on him. He would not shut up about you. It was all h
e talked about. The great warrior princess who led him to an enchanted glade and later saved his life with her magical words and wicked knife. He went on and on until I finally took him aside and told him it wasn’t a great idea to be constantly raving about you. I believe he fancies himself in love with you.”

  “He needs to forget about me. I’m dangerous to know.” Ana said softly, head lowering in embarrassment.

  Jan reached out and lifted her chin, looking her straight in the eye.

  “You saved his life. You were willing to sacrifice yourself for him. Of course, he would rave about it, even love you for it. You’re his hero.”

  “And you can bet I’m going to pay for that act of supposed heroism. I interfered.” A tear slowly slid down Ana’s cheek. If she was punished, so be it. But if Snick were punished, she would never forgive herself.

  “Ana, don’t worry about Snick. I’ll coach him before he leaves to make sure he gets the story right. His life was in danger and you saved it.”

  “Except he was supposed to defend himself. Instead, I lured the dragons away, leaving him free to survive without enduring any of the tests the government sets for us.”

  “The directives are vague about what constitutes saving a life. You believed he would die. He believed he would die. You saved his life. End of story. I’ll make sure he points out the wording if it becomes an issue.”

  “Thank you,’ Ana whispered. “I can’t bear the thought of him suffering because of me.”

  Jan reached out and touched Ana’s hair, lingering on the little piece of fabric tied around the top of her braid.

  “I see you got my gift,” he said. “You know it’s a bracelet, right?”

  Ana reached up and fingered the fabric, displacing Jan’s hand in the process.

  “I know. But I’m worried about wearing it when I leave. I wasn’t wearing a bracelet when I came, and I can’t take anything with me. If the government believes I made the bracelet, they’d confiscate it. I thought if I put it in my hair, it wouldn’t be noticed.”

  “Very clever,” Jan said. “You like it?”

  “I love it!” Ana replied, head popping up in surprise. “And I promise to wear it as a bracelet as soon as I get home. Wherever home is this time.”

  “Yeah, about that…,” Jan said, trailing off as he gazed out to sea again, the faraway look back in his eyes.

  “Jan, what are you talking about?”

  Turning suddenly, Jan gazed directly at Ana, a fierce look on his face.

  “Don’t get on the yacht,” he said, his voice low and his words rapid. “Stay behind. Miss it. Hide until after they leave.”

  Ana’s mouth dropped. Jan was asking her to miss her ride home just to spend a few more weeks with him. She felt her rage starting to rise.

  “You cannot be serious,” she spat, anger giving her words bite. “Why the hell would I stay? Remaining would almost certainly end in my death.”

  “If you get on that boat, your life will never be the same.”

  “My life is already not the same. Getting on that boat is the only way I can fulfill the promises I’ve made. I can’t stay here if it means forsaking those vows. I, too, keep my promises.”

  “I’m begging you,” Jan pleaded. “Please do not get on the yacht. If you go, your life will always be in danger. Ana, if you go, I’ll never see you again.”

  “Jan,” Ana said, her voice softening, “the chances of us seeing each other again are almost zero. Right now, I have no way of finding you when you get back, and you won’t be able to find me. But answer my questions and I’ll start searching for you the minute you arrive. I promise.”

  Jan reached over and took her hands in his.

  “Please listen closely,” he said, his tone serious. “I’m not who you think I am. I don’t have time to go into it now, but if you stay, you’ll be safe. We won’t be here forever. I’ll take you with me when I leave and I repeat, you will be safe. With me. Forever.”

  Ana looked at Jan in confusion. Leave with him? How? The government would never allow her to board with him, if they let her board at all. How could he guarantee her safety? And what of the children? Was he going to abandon them? She felt her temper begin rising again.

  “How can you promise something like that? You know as well as I do the government will never let us be together.”

  Jan removed his hands and looked at the water again. Ana looked also, noting the sand had started moving. The yacht hadn’t arrived but time was growing short.

  “Here goes,” he said, hushing her when she opened her mouth. “Please don’t interrupt. I’m not leaving in a month. I’m leaving tomorrow. The minute the yacht leaves, I’m heading towards a plateau where a heli-craft will meet me. I’m working against the present government and reports have come in that they suspect me of being a traitor. My superiors are afraid for my life. They’re allowing me to bring you as they believe you’ll be a great help to their cause. It’s why I left the packet. I knew I could trust you and hoped by leaving it, you would know that no matter what I say, I’ll never betray you. I’m asking you again. Please do not get on the yacht. Come with me instead.”

  Ana was stunned. She had suspected him of being a spy but not for the opposition. Jan stopped speaking and now stared intently, letting her come to a decision on her own. Closing her mouth, she said the first thing that popped into her head.

  “What about the children?”

  “Nothing will change, at least for now.”

  “But you’re the leader of the camp. Who will take over if you leave?”

  “The new leader is in place, having been chosen after your last visit.”

  “Molly?”

  “No, not her. I only told you that to keep you safe.”

  “So you lied to me.” Her temper rose several degrees.

  “Ana, you need to understand something. The leaders of the camp don’t choose their replacements. Every leader is a plant, put there by the government to keep them informed of what goes on. I was chosen because I was placed in a position that made it impossible for the government to pick anyone else. I have been working for them, but only to gain information to send back to my superiors. I have no control over who the new leader is.”

  “You lied to me,” Ana repeated angrily.

  Jan sighed. Picking up a stick, he started idly drawing in the sand.

  “How can I convince you I did it to keep you safe?” he asked. “You had no idea who I was or how the government operated. You were leaving in a day and there was almost no chance you would ever come back. I had no choice in reporting back to the government, but I could do it without endangering the people I cared for. The less information you had about the camp, the better.”

  “You told me a ton of other stuff that was just as dangerous. Or were those all lies, too? My debriefing, the way I was returned to the island, my directives. None if it was what I was told it was going to be. The last question I asked was more dangerous than anything else, and even though I knew you didn’t want to answer, you still did, giving me information that could get both of us killed. Then there was the packet you left. The papers inside were meant for your eyes only. By letting me see it, you committed treason. How do I know that leaving it for me wasn’t just another trap? Why should I believe anything else you’ve told me?”

  “You don’t have to. And I would completely understand if you didn’t. But knowing the identity of the leader of the camp is dangerous. You vowed to save the children. I tried to talk you out of it, but you refused to listen. So, I took a chance. You admitted to planning something you knew could get you killed. I returned the favor. I could easily have withheld the information, but I didn’t. Because I believe you truly can fulfill your vow. But you won’t be able to do it without help. I gave you some information at the beginning of our last conversation because I wanted to confirm your loyalties. When it became clear you hated the government as much as I did, I gave you more. When I was told you were back, I went over our conversation w
ith a fine-tooth comb, not finding anything that indicated you weren’t all you appeared to be. Because of that, I shared everything I thought would help you. But I kept some things back, like the identity of the next camp leader and how they’re chosen. It was irrelevant and I was afraid you might slip in your debriefing or after you got home. Neither of us can afford to get in any more trouble. Remember I told you I expected you back if you continued down the path you were so set on choosing? I wasn’t wrong. Here you are, just as I said you would be.”

  Ana flared. Jan thought he had her all figured out. Time to set him straight.

  “I chose to come back.”

  “YOU WHAT?!”

  “I chose to come back.”

  “Why the hell would you do that? Nobody ever chooses to come back.” Jan was gaping at her in disbelief.

  Ana couldn’t help herself. Finally willing to admit the real reason she returned, she threw it in his face.

  “Aren’t you glad to see me?”

  Jan’s face transformed, his eyes now the ones flashing with rage.

  “That was low, Ana. Really low. I expected better.”

  “Yeah, that’s the problem. Everyone always expects better. But no one ever listens.” Ana was furious and she no longer heeded what she said. She had spent so many years flinging words she often slipped when her temper got the better of her. She kept her eyes fixed on her lap, clenching her fists to keep from hitting something.

  “Maybe I should go.” Ana heard the resignation in his voice and looked up. A single tear slid down his face. Her temper cooled and she brushed the tear away.

  “Please don’t. I’m sorry. My temper often gets the best of me. I won’t try to excuse my behavior. But I’ll try to give you an idea of why I act the way I do. If you choose to leave, I understand and won’t stop you.” A single tear now tracked down Ana’s face as well.

  “Please tell me, Ana. I need to know. But I think it needs to be quick. The crabs are on the move.”

  “When I returned to the mainland, all I thought about was you,” Ana said, glancing at the crabs marching away. “And the vows I made, both the one to you and the one I made after I got home. But mostly, I thought about you. I went over our conversation a million times. Things started to stand out and I began wondering about the inconsistencies I found. Then I made two discoveries, both which raised more questions than they answered. I knew I had to come back. To try and find the answers I was looking for. But more than that, to see you. Even if it were only one more time, I couldn’t pass up the chance. So I came back. And made an absolute mess of things.”